i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
