me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
