i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Randomize
