oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
