You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
