Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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