I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
