i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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