So drunk its hurt
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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