I queefed so loud it echoed.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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