When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
