Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
