There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
