It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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