I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
