he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
