dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
