I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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