You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just cut my nipple shaving
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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