If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
