She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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