walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
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Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
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For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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