just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Randomize
