Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
YAS. BRING CRAB.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
