I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
