In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
