I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Randomize
