so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
