I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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