Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
