I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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