It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
