Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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