There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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