why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
