just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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