So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
