and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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