He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
