He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
