Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
