wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
