Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
