He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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