My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
