dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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