Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Randomize
