He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
