ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
