Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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