The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
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I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
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What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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