Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
