If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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