we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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