Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
3pm strippers are depressing
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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