How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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