Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
