the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
