How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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