Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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