Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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