dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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