Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
