woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize
